Nothing But Balls
Sports From a Different Perspective…

Al Attempts to Watch WNBA Game

This “league” is an utter fucking joke. Seriously. The nicest way for me to put it is that the WNBA sucks big floppy donkey dick. I’ve had diarrhea more entertaining than your average WNBA game. For those of you lucky enough to have never seen 40 minutes of mostly ugly women fighting for loose balls and throwing bad cross court passes, let me clue you in. It’s forty minutes of mostly ugly women with sub par handles scrambling for loose balls and throwing awful passes, interspersed with tons of hand checking, confusion and wide open jumpers clanging off the front iron. Add in the fact that nobody can really dunk (by this I mean none of these broads are capable of dunking in a non-fast break situation, and only a handful of them can dunk at all) or seems to know what to do with the ball, and you have the least entertaining forty minutes ever.

This is coming from somebody who has played organized basketball for 8 years and has watched his little sister’s team play from the time she was in 4th grade untl the 8th grade. I’m positive that my mediocre high school could not only beat any WNBA team, but wipe the court with them. So I guess what you’re thinking is, “Then why the hell were you watching that crap? Turn it off if you don’t like it.”

I was asking myself the same thing. Not quite “why was I watching it?” but “why the fuck is this shit on TV?” Seriously ESPN2, you’d get better ratings running any of the following things.

1. Showing the same SportsCenter thats showing on ESPN, but from a different angle.

2. Running a black screen with just the bottom line going.

3. Madden Nation.

4. Videos of me playing Madden.

5. Videos of me watching Madden Nation and impersonating “Da Secret” I BE LURKIN DAWG

6. Showing SportsCenter from the same angle as the one airing at the same time on ESPN.

7. Putting cameras and microphones in Steven A. Smith ‘s house and just recording, ala the Truman Show. (Low decibel microphones, of course.)

8. My new idea for a program- ridiculous sports faces. This would go for the duration of your average WNBA game, and would just be a constant reel of Tim Duncan’s eyes bulging out of his head, random NBA scrubs fist pumping and high fiving everyone, and the many faces of Peyton Manning.

9. The Ron Mexico Dog Fighting Hour (massive Pay-Per-View potential)

10. Anything.


A group of ugly chicks scrambling for an insane amount of loose balls has nothing on Da Secret.


6 Responses to “Al Attempts to Watch WNBA Game”

  1. Did those nappy-headed-hos graduate from Rutgers? Man, they got tattooes!

  2. You guys are really mean watch I bet they will smoke a high school teams ass

  3. I think u have nothin better 2 do wit ur time. Yea it aint the NBA but it a chance 4 women 2 show there skills. It only been here 4 about 12 years jus wait n watch. N i dont think you should tlk about someone who u cant beat.

  4. dude stop hating. you’re talking about playing Madden all day. Get a life! I bet you are sitting at home right now scratching your musty balls, eating cold pizza,smelling like corn chips with no chick because no real woman wants a man who plays video games! You have nothing but your playstation and your dell computer to keep you company. If you cut back on your internet bill you may have just enough money to purchase a inflatable date from the porn store. And besides, you might consider these chicks ugly but their girlfriends might disagree. Think about that! They don’t care to look good to you because they aren’t fucking you!! But they just might be fucking your sister while you were too preoccupied shining your beloved play station.So who gives a shit what you like!? you dick head, you wouldn’t last ten minutes on the court with these females out there. You only have enough stamina to jack off to pictures of paris hilton. If the wnba was not a popular sport it would not still be around 12 years later! so someone besides you actually enjoys watching it. So stop whining like a bitch. your mom took you off the nipple decades ago.

  5. I agree. It really is unmitigated boredom to watch a wNBA game. It’s precisely what dude here says–lots of scrambling for loose balls, cross court passes that do nothing to further the offensive set, and lots and lots and LOTS of ugly 15-17 foot, wide-open jumpers clanging off front iron. Woohoo yay so some chicks are pretty good at ballin and can score, but it’s just not exciting to watch women play a game that requires JUMPING and explosive movements, as these are two things women aren’t really capable of doing in a remarkable manner. Add to that the fact that teams just seem to execute their offense very sloppily and ESPN2 almost has me wishing they’d switch to World Series of Poker (and I hate poker).

  6. All Scrubs Episodes are streaming online at

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