Nothing But Balls
Sports From a Different Perspective…

Jul
28

Now come and get all NBB goodness over at http://www.nothingbutballs.com

Sep
29

Some of you may have noticed that there has been very few posts in the past month. This is because we have been updating the site to what we want it to be. The site is currently being moved to http://www.nbbsports.com. The site may be a little behind for a while as we continue to transfer the pertinent things over. We will Continue to provide the same cutting edge analysis on the new site and we hope to with more frequency.

So come check us out at our new home…

http://www.nbbsports.com

Sep
27

Thursday Night Game:

Southern Mississippi at Boise State: Both teams are 2-1. Southern Miss lost to Tennessee and Boise lost to Washington. Boise State will win this game on the Blue Turf. Ian Johnson will run for a TD and the Broncos will beat the Golden Eagles 24-14.

Friday Night Game:

West Viriginia (5) at South Florida (18)

This game is going to be the best matchup of the week. Both of these Big East teams are undefeated. WVU is 4-0; USF is 3-0. Steve Slaton and Pat White will try to get revenge on the Bulls. South Florida beat the Mountaineers 24-19 last season in Morgantown. The Bulls will not beat WVU in this game because of NOEL Devine. This WVU freshman will help White and Slaton defeat South Florida in Tampa. Noel Devine, the freshman RB will become a household name after this game. WVU beats USF 31-27. For a great article on Noel Devine’s past, Read: http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news;_ylt=AicTqGlyQ.7nyjqoTWTQtFQU1bYF?slug=ap-t25-wvirginia-devinesroad&prov=ap&type=lgns

Saturday Games:

Ohio State (8) at Minnesota

The Buckeyes prove once again that they deserve to be in the Top Ten. OSU is 4-0; the Golden Gophers are 1-3. QB Todd Boeckman and WRs Brian Robiskie and Brian Hartline demolish Minnesota’s secondary. Watch for LB James Laurinaitis to have a big game for the Bucks defense. Adam Weber, Minnesota’s QB will throw at least one interception in this game. Minnesota’s only threat: Jay Thomas, who has a kick return for a touchdown this year. The Ohio State puts up 41 points on the Gophers. Buckeyes win 41-10.

California (6) at Oregon (11)

These two Pac-10 teams are both 4-0 overall and 1-0 in conference play. Both teams have high octane offenses. Dennis Dixon, Oregon’s QB, has 11 TD passes and no interceptions. He also has 4 rushing TDs on the season. Both defenses have 6 interceptions. Look for turnovers to be the difference maker in this game. Last season Cal crushed Oregon 45-24. The Ducks will be looking for some revenge in Eugene. Oregon wins a close game due to a turnover by Nate Longhshore. Final score 42-39 Ducks win at home.

USC (1) at Washington

This game will be will closer than people think. USC is 4-0; Washington is 2-2, losing the last to games to Ohio State and UCLA. Tyrone Willingham will have his team ready for Pete Carroll’s Trojans. The Huskies QB Jake Locker needs to have the game of his life in order to beat Southern Cal. The redshirt Freshman will have a good game, but the speedy Trojan defense will be able to contain him inside the pocket most of the game. USC wins 42-24.

Auburn at Florida (4)

The Tigers are 2-2 on the season; Gators are 4-0. Tim Tebow will perform very well and lead his team to victory. Florida wins 31-17.

Air Force at Navy

This battle of the Service Academies will be an entertaining game. The Falcons are 3-1; the Midshipmen are 2-2. Air Force’s key win this season was against TCU, 20-17. This game will be full of rushing attacks and good defenses. Both QBs will do horribly. Air Force wins a close game 14-10.

Maryland at Rutgers (10)

The Terps are 2-2, The State University of new jersey is 3-0. The Scarlet Knights’ Ray Rice and Maryland’s Keon Lattimore will have a rushing battle going on all game. Rice wins and so does Rutgers: 35-24.

Top 25 Team with the Best Chance to be Upset:

Wisconsin Badgers (9). Michigan State Spartans go to Madison for this Big Ten matchup. Both teams are 4-0. If the Spartan defense can stop the rushing of PJ Hill, Michigan State has a good chance to win this game. Also, if State QB Brian Hoyer repeats his performance from last week (4 TD passes and no interceptions), I think the Badgers will lose. MSU wins 31-28.

Random Comments of the Week:

1. Good for you, Jim Tressel(Don’t Let Your Boys Solicit Prostitutes):
“It’s a great disappointment for our Buckeye football family, and we are very concerned for Antonio,”

http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news?slug=txohiostatehenton&prov=st&type=lgns

2. Congratulations Cincinnati Bearcats: You are 4-0 and ranked 24. First time since 1967 that your school has been nationally ranked. Coach Brian Kelly is in his first year with the team.

3. Ben Olson will start at QB this week for the UCLA Bruins. The Oregon State Beavers play host to the Bruins this week in a Pac-10 conference matchup.

4. Ohio State’s defense has been exceptional so far this season. The Buckeyes have only let up 20 points this season. OSU’s defense has shut out both Akron and Northwestern. Keep up the good work. James Laurinaitis leads the team in interceptions.

Sep
19

This post is the first weekly preview for NCAA Football. I will write a preview every Wednesday.

Thursday Night Game:

Texas A&M (20) at Miami (Fl)

The Aggies are 3-0; Miami is 2-1. Texas A&M looked good last week and are going to beat Miami. Miami didn’t even show up in Week 2 against Oklahoma (lost 51-13). Jorvorskie Lane will demolish “The U’s” defense. The Aggies will win a close one 35-31.

Friday Night Game:

Oklahoma (4) at Tulsa

No contest. Sam Bradford and Malcolm Kelly connect for two touchdowns in a blowout. Oklahoma wins 56-21.

Saturday Games:

Northwestern at Ohio State (8)

The Buckeyes cruise to their first Big Ten win of the year. Northwestern lost to Duke 20 to 14 last week. That says it all. Watch for Chris Wells and Brian Robiskie to have huge games. With all OSU students back on campus for the Fall Quarter, THE Ohio State University wins 49- 10.

Penn State (10) at Michigan

Senior Austin Scott(RB) and Junior Derrick Williams(WR) lead the Nittany Lions to victory. Mike Hart will keep the game close for the Wolverines. He will rush for over 100 yards and a few touchdowns. Penn State wins 38-21. Dan Connor(LB) will make Ryan Mallet wish he was still on the bench. Michigan fans will be crying again inside the Big House.

South Carolina(12) at LSU (2)

The Tigers look good in this home game. Steve Spurrier’s Gamecocks have no chance in the Bayou. Both teams are currently 3-0 and 1-0 in the SEC. LSU’s defense will be the difference-maker in this matchup. Look for SC QB Blake Mitchell to be sacked at least five times. Sr wideout Early Doucet will make some big plays on offense for the Tigers. LSU wins 24-14.

Georgia(22) at Alabama (16)

Nick Saban keeps the magic going in Bama. The Crimson Tide is 3-0 and 2-0 in SEC; Georgia is 2-1 and 0-1. UGA will be stampeded by Alabama. John Parker Wilson and DJ Hall hook up for 150 plus yards. Terry Grant rushes for a few TDs for Bama. Georgia will be outplayed and out coached in this SEC matchup.

Iowa at Wisconsin (9)

Iowa Hawkeyes are 2-1, losing to Iowa State last week 15-13. Wisconsin Badgers are 3-0 beating Washington State, UNLV and The Citadel. PJ Hill rushes for 2 scores for ‘Consin. The Badgers solidify their Top Ten Rank with another win. Wisconsin over Iowa 28-10.

Top 25 Team with the Best Chance to be Upset:

Kentucky Wildcats(21). Arkansas plays host to the Wildcats this Saturday. If Darren McFadden and Casey Dick play well, Andre’ Woodson team will be in trouble. Kentucky is currently 3-0; Arkansas is 1-1, lost to Alabama on Sept 15 41-38. McFadden and Felix Jones have combined for 571 rushing yards and 4 touchdowns in two games for the Razorbacks. I don’t see Kentucky stopping Arkansas’ tenacious rushing attack. Razorbacks win an offensive battle 42-38.

Darren McFadden

Random Comments of the Week

Texas is starting to look like the Cincinnati Bengals with all of their off the field issues. Freshman RB James Henry is the sixth Texas player to be arrested since June. Mack Brown, you need to keep your players under control. The other players are:

LB Sergio Kindle- Drunk Driving. Kindle and Melton will be back for this game after serving 3 game suspensions.

DE Henry Melton- Drunk Driving

Safety Tyrell Gatewood- Drug Charges. He was suspended last week indefinably.

Andre Jones- alleged home invasion in July with Henry and Joseph. Jones is currently suspended.

Robert Joseph- home invasion. He left the team before the July arrest due to a prior incident.

Aug
21

Much is made about the Sports Illustrated cover jinx, the Campbell’s Chunky soup coincidence, and most often the Madden Curse. It is true that every year since EA Sports has produced their game with an NFL player on the cover (Prior to that, they always put Hall of Fame Coach and NFL commentator John Madden on the cover). Unfortunately for football fans, Madden never obtained a career ending larynx injury. During much of the time the Madden cover has taken down some of the games biggest stars, KJ’s Fantasy quarterback curse was in full effect.

Most times, the Madden cover boy just suffered a simple injury and returned the next year. There are a few exceptions, Eddie George was never the same since and we shall see about last year’s cover guy, Shaun Alexander. Now, the case with the KJ curse is one in which players careers, as currently known, end. Starting all the way back in the first year, when I played real fantasy football, 2002.

Exhibit A: 2002 – Kurt Warner (QB STL)

Warner had the career dreams are made of. After going undrafted out of Northern Iowa. Bounced around from Europe to the Arena league, he finally made it in the NFL and was positioned to back up starter Trent Green on an up and coming team. Then the impossible happens, Green goes down in preseason and Warner is the starter. That season he goes off, finally given an oppurtunity, he became the guy that made the greatest show on turf go. He threw for 41 touchdowns and 4,353 yards, earning league MVP honors. The Rams went on to win the Super Bowl and it looked like Warner was going to be a good one for a while. In 2000, he continued the trend until he broke his hand half way through the season. The same can be said about 2001, when Warner threw for 4,830 yards an 36 scores. Agaih, the Rams found themselves in the Super Bowl, but despite his 365 yard performance the team of destiny, Patriots, took the title. After that season, the Rams field general looked like a solid option at quarterback. So, in accordance with this thought, I drafted Warner to be my QB. All of sudden Warner could not hold onto ball. Turnovers plagued the old quarterback. Through six games he only threw for 9 TD’s. Then he injured his hand and was done. Young Marc Bulger took the reigns and he never let go. Warner has since made a couple sojourns to starter jobs in New York and Arizona. However, the demons never left, he still lost something on his ball and he just kept giving the ball to the other team.

(Note: I do not remember who my Quarterback was in 2003, but I do remember having problems, so I will skip that year)

Exhibit B: 2004 – Brad Johnson (QB TB)

One thing I hope for in a fantasy quarterback is consistency. It appeared as if Brad Johnson was exactly what I was looking for. The guy just led his team to a Super Bowl on a good team with pretty much the same roster. Also, the Bucs had a supposed offensive genius as a coach. The previous two years Johnson put up 22 plus touchdowns and 3000 plus yards. He was coming off a career high in scores and 3,800 yards. All things were looking up, and I could wait to get, in my mind, a solid QB. Then I drafted him and bye bye career for Brad. After poor performances in his first four games, Jon Gruden decided to go in a new direction by playing the Hall of Fame QB’s son Chris Simms. After Simms was injured, Brian Griese took the helm the rest of the year. After 2004, Johnson asked for an escape route and he was signed by Minnesota to ressurect his career. If late 2005, Johnson did step in and did well, but he eventually lost his job to Alabama State prospect, Tavaris Jackson(I am still not sure why). Sorry Brad.

Exhibit C: 2005 – Kerry Collins (QB OAK)

The former Penn State prospect has had an interesting NFL career. Kerry Collins went from prodigy, to drunk, to reclemation project, to bust. He sure has had his ups and downs. However, what goes up must come down. After his time with the Giants had passed Collins moved to another team, loaded with talent, but lacking in protection. Randy Moss, Jerry Porter, and Ronald Curry; oh my! The sun was shining on Collins twilight of his career. All the weapons were there and so, he was my darkhorse to lead the NFL in passing yards. Something funny happened on the way to that, the Raiders sucked. With one of the worst coaches in NFL history, Norv Turner, an awful line, and injuries and indifference from his recievers. Collins earned his one way ticket to fantasy bustville. Since, he was signed with the Titans in 2006 and was pushed aside by Vince Young. I don’t even know where he is now.

Exhibit D: 2006 – Jake Plummer (QB DEN)

In 2006, I decided to wait for a quarterback, so in round ten or so, I drafted Jake Plummer. Maybe it was his goofy 70’s porn star mustache that appealed me to him. Now, I was not expecting much from Plummer. I was hoping for about 20 TD’s and 3,500 yards. There was one little problem. Before being replaced he threw for 11 scores, but also 14 interceptions and nearly 2000 yards. He was a little under the pace but not totally awful. Unfortunately for me, Mike Shanahan has a happier trigger finger than Dick Cheney. So he decided to start rookie, out of Vanderbilt, Jay Cutler on a team that was 7-4 and playoff bound. Mikey, Mikey, what are we going to do with you. Luckily, he got what he deserved. The Broncos missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. Since, Plummer has retired from the NFL.

What point does this prove. To tell you the truth, I am not really sure. Maybe, I am just hoping this will become public and then I will recieve shady packages with nice stipends ordering me not to draft them. In my feeble attempt to prevent this from happening in 2007, I may have wasted a first round draft pick on Peyton Manning. What am I to do. Oh and before the career ending neck injury, I officially apoligize to all Colts fans, Peyton lovers, and most importantly the Manning family, because that means that Eli will be the official water carrier for the clan, and we all know that is not a good thing.

Aug
17

There comes a point in the lives of most men when they realize they are not going to play professional ball. After reaching this milestone, usually these guys pick up their softball gloves, put on their favorite teams hat and go play in their local beer league. Others may try the world of virtual reality, hook up the XBox 360 and drop in the new Madden. Others will just watch non-stop sports coverage on ESPN and their local sports pandemonia. Some may take it a step further, actually calling into radio shows and let their usually pointless point of view out. As for me, I thank Allah for Fantasy Sports and Politics, and even though I am still young, I have given up my dreams of playing ball.

Because of this, Fans tend to cling to athletes that live, look, and generally are like them. It is easy to support guys like John Daly, Boog Powell, and David Wells. The common factors between these guys is that they all are overweight, average looking, and talented. It is a simple equation, Daly can hit a golf ball a country mile, Powell caould hit a baseball really far, and David Wells can pitch. Pitch is the key word. Wells does not have the power to flame it pass major league batters, he does not have a specific nasty breaking pitches. The lefty can simply just pitch. This is a common trend for hurlers of this era. There are plenty of Glavines, Madduxes, and Moyers out there these days but Wells possesses something special.

Look at him, he is listed at 6’4″, 225 pounds. How did this guy avoid sitting on his couch watching college football on saturday, yelling at the screen. Let the numbers do the talking. Boomer posted 235 wins in his illustrious career along with a .601 winning percentage. This could be because he has generally been on good teams, so those statistics are inflated. When we put the ERA in the mix it appears as if that is the case. A career ERA of 4.12 leaves much to be desired and does give credence to inflated win numbers. This does not tell the entire story though. His less traditional numbers paint the best picture for the hefty lefty. A more than stellar 1.265 WHIP along with a solid K/9 and K/BB.

Is he a hall of fame pitcher? Of course he is not, but he deserves much respect for what he has been able to do with his limited abilities. His career is more than admirable. He may be too outspoken, but he always has been a stand up guy. Boomer achieved many goals and received many accolades. Tossing a perfect game is no easy feat and add to the fact that the lefty was still inebriated from the previous night. Being chosen to start two all star games also shows the great respect managers have for Wells. This, to go along with a few rings and excellent pitching performances in the post season. So, this one is for you, a real man of genius, Mr. overweight, drunk, pitcher guy.

For a more human side of Wells, Al would like to add his thoughts in seeing the big guy in person in the comment section.

Aug
16

jordan-staal-pens.jpg

Jordan Staal, the 18 year old Center for the Pittsburgh Penguins, is my favorite Pens player, other than “God on Ice” Crosby and Mario Lemieux. Jordan was drafted second overall in the 2006 Entry Draft. The Staal family is the new Sutters of the NHL. The oldest, Eric plays for the Carolina Hurricanes and is on the cover of NHL ’08. Marc, 20, is the Captain of the Sudbury Wolves and was drafted by the NY Rangers 12th overall, in 2005. Marc is a defenseman. The youngest Staal, Jared, is 17 and will play with Marc in Sudbury, in the Ontario Hockey League.

Recently, Jordan and Eric have gotten into some “trouble” at Eric’s Staal’s bachelor party. The boys were a little too loud and drunk at a Resort in Minnesota and got arrested along with 12 other party members. Ten of the 14 at the party have accepted the plea bargain offered by the Cook County Court, in Marais, Minnesota. Jordan is waiting for Eric to come back from his honeymoon. They will then decide what to do, with the help of their agent Paul Krepelka.

Eric Staal

Eric Staal hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup.

Jordan Staal faces underage drinking charges, as well as the other disorderly conduct charges. However, Jordan is of legal age to drink in his native Canada. So, who really cares! He is a great NHL player, but he is still an 18 year old. Let boys be boys. He finished with 42 points in his rookie season with the Pens. The Staal family will survive this “incident” and will continue to dominate the NHL for the next twenty years like the six Sutter brothers did in the 70s and 80s. The Staal name will be implanted in hockey fans memory.

Jordan Staal will be even better in his sophomore year. He will help the Penguins dominate the NHL. Eric Staal will continue to lead the ‘Canes with the help of Eric Cole, Marc and Jared will be a tandem force to be reckoned with in the OHL.

Staal Family welcome to Hockey Greatness.

Marc Staal

Marc Staal( above) Jared Staal (below)

Jared Staal

Aug
15

You can’t post college football predictions without having opposing viewpoints, so here goes.

Big East Champion- West Virginia

They get the edge over Louisville based on the fact that Louisville will play in West Virginia this year and that Louisville has to travel to NC State and also has to face Andre Woodson and a talented Kentucky team on the road, while WVU’s toughest road games are South Florida and Ray Rice and Co. Expect uber-prospect Noel Devine to turn some heads spelling Slaton and being used creatively in Rich Rodriguez’s offense.

Big Ten Champion- Michigan

I wanted to pick Wisconsin here. Michigan is going to have it’s hands full playing in the Badgers house, but they are extremely talented, particularly at the skill positions. Henne/Hart/Manningham is arguably the best QB/RB/WR trio in college football right now. If they can get past Wisconsin they have Ohio State and Penn State at home. Notre Dame could spoil the Wolverines NC bid.

SEC Champion-LSU

It’s a tough pick to make coming from a Spurrier-era Gators fan, but LSU will win the SEC this year. Florida will play Auburn in the swamp and then go on a three game road trip to LSU, Kentucky and Georgia. LSU gets the edge on a much friendlier schedule. Look for Percy Harvin from Florida to be a Heisman dark horse if he can stay healthy. He may be the most explosive player in the country.

ACC Champion- Clemson

Virginia Tech is a sexy pick here- there’s the whole feel good story after the tragic shootings, but James Davis and CJ Spiller will be too much for the Hokies to handle on the road. If the Tigers can beat the Criminoles in their first game, look for Clemson to win the ACC.

Big 12 Champion- Texas

Remember when I said Michigan’s trio was arguably the best in college football? The reason for that adjective is Colt McCoy, Jamaal Charles and Limas Sweed. Everyone knows that McCoy had one of the greatest seasons in recent history for a freshman QB last season, but Sweed and Charles are a bit less well known. Sweed flourished with McCoy at the helm last season, hauling in 12 TDs. His 6’5″ frame makes him an intimidating figure, and his production has increased each year. Charles may be the least known of the three, but he has arguably the highest upside. This physical freak of nature runs a 4.2 40, benches 300 pounds and squats 400. As a true freshman he piled up 878 yards and 11 touchdowns with a whopping 7.4 yards per carry. His production declined last season as he was busy focusing on track, where he placed 5th in the NCAA 100 yard dash. Unfortunately for Oklahoma and the rest of the Big 12, Jamaal has chosen to forgo track and focus on football this season.

Pac 10 Champion- USC

No comment necessary.

National Championship- USC over Texas

Sleepers-

Kentucky- Andre Woodson is one of the most talented players in the country and could be the first QB selected overall in the 2008 NFL Draft.

Ohio State- The Buckeyes could knock off Wisconsin at home, and anything can happen in a Michigan vs Ohio State game. Lloyd Carr’s 1-6 record against Jim “Sweater Vest” Tressel doesn’t help. The fact that they’re almost the consensus 3rd team in the Big Ten should scare people.

Hawaii- They may have the hardest offense to stop in all of college football.

Aug
14

It’s finally College Football time! Everyone has been talking about how the SEC is the shit. Well, if you are sick of hearing Lee Corso and Terry Bowden talk about the SEC, like me, read this post.

My Preseason Top Five:

1. University of Southern California: Although I hate the University of Spoiled Children, Pete Carrol has his boys at the top of their game this year. His “Hollywood, Let’s Be Friends” attitude with his recruits and players is working. Some how he can keep his players disciplined and their respect for him, while still having fun at practices and being “friends”, not Coach and players. With John David Booty, what a name, at the helm, USC will do very well in the Pac-10. The only threats on USC’s schedule are the October 20th game at Notre Dame, the November 10th at Cal, and the last game of the season at home against UCLA Bruins. USC will lose one of these three games and go 12-1 in the regular season.

2. West Virginia: Steve Slaton and Pat White have a connection. With 15 returining starters, the team is ready to roll over the Big East and contend for the National Championship. The Mountaineers will also go 12-1, and lose either the first game of the season to the Western Michigan Broncos or the November 8th home game against Louisville, the only team that actually plays football in the Big East other than WVU and Rutgers (but Rutgers is the State University of NEW Jersey…) Sorry, Mark May but your beloved Pitt and the rest of the Big East plays football as good as 14 year old girls in a Powder Puff Game.

Barry Alvarez

3. Wisconsin: Yea, I said it, WISCONSIN. Ever since Barry Alvarez took over as A.D., the Badgers’ sports teams have been unstoppable. Wisconsin will crush Michigan this year. However, the Badgers will lose November 3 to THE Ohio State University, at the Horseshoe. This will make the Badgers very upset, and they will roll into Ann Arbor the next week and make Mario Mannigham and Chad Henne cry like little girls. Wisconsin wins the Big Ten this year.

4. Florida: Tim Tebow will lead the Gators to victory over the SEC. Like I said, everyone else talks about the SEC, so I won’t waste my time on it. Except for this, the South Eastern Conference is OVERRATED.

5. Texas: If a Texas team has a standout quarterback with the name Colt, they must be good. Colt McCoy, the freshman who made everyone forget about Vince Young, will lead the Longhorns to supremacy in the Big 12.

Honorable Mention: Virginia Tech, Michigan and LSU.

My Sleeper Team:

This year’s Boise State will be…

Colt Brennan

Hawaii Warriors: Led by Colt Brennan, the (Rainbow) Warriors will win the WAC, upsetting Boise State, the team that is now cursed by the NCAA 08 cover. Brennan will lead Hawaii to a BCS bowl game this season.

Aug
14

This is dedicated to new commisioner Roger Goddell and his new policy of player conduct. So here is the team of the best NFL players who have been or are in trouble with the law or the League.

Offense

QB: Michael Vick (Dog Fight Kingpin): Vick’s ability to play quarterback not in question, most assuredly he is the best quarterback in the NFL to be indicted by a Federal Grand Jury. If you get a chance I highly recommend the actual Vick Indictment. It is most excellent piece of juris prudence, since Brown v. Board. Michael Vick’s skills as a passer reminds me of Bull Durham, when they are in the bar, and Crash Davis says to the hotshot young pitcher Nuke LaLoosh to hit him in the chest with a baseball. Upon his attempt he breaks a nearby window. I bet Alge Crumpler must think it should be criminal to throw a fire-knuckleball, but now that the feds nabbed him for dog fighting, Crumpler does not have to worry anymore.

RB: Ricky Williams (Pot): I love football… almost as much as I love weed. The most tragic story in NFL history of wasted talent, makes the list for his consistent suspensions and playing in Canada. In 2004, Ricky Williams was questionably the best running back in the game. Williams name routinely appeared on the top of fantasy football draft boards everywhere, coming off a 1300 yard season and over 6,000 yards in his five year career. Then, Williams claimed his heart was not in football, and he was retiring from the game. More likely, it was a failed drug test and his reluctance to give up the sticky icky. Prior to that, Ricky was considered sort of a wreck loose. He had some run-ins with the law, and his continued battle with psychological problems. Despite, the sob story he makes the cut.

FB: Moe Williams (Sex Cruise): It’s the love boat. The infamous Viking Love Boat scandal of 2005, in which many players were implicated in the ordeal. One of these was full back Moe Williams, a top goal line and short yardage back. Williams was charged with indecent conduct as well as disorderly conduct. He was found guilty on the later charge. (for more on the love boat see Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot)

WR: Randy Moss (Man, Fuck Crossing Guards): A good football philosophy in football is “just run ‘em over,” but in the case of driving; it is generally not a good idea. Especially when the victim is an officer of the law. When a traffic cop stood in front of Moss’s vehicle to prevent him from making an illegal turn, he managed to bump the agent a half of a block. Moss, being one of the standout good citizens of the league, is most magnified by this incident as well as his admitted use of recreational drugs, pretending to moon Lambeau field, and leaving the field before the end of a game.

WR: Chris Henry (Multiple offender): My good friend and co author Al mentioned to me one time his opinion of Henry’s appearance. “He looks an alien, he said.” After googleing his picture, I came into agreement. That along with his ability to turn it on inside the red zone, sold me of his special powers. Unfortunately for Henry, these powers also seem to get him in trouble with the law…often. Our favorite martian, managed to nabbed by police multiple times for drinking and driving, brandishing weapons, giving alcohol to minors, and them allegedly raping one of them. It looks like he is just what we are looking for.

TE: Jerramy Stevens (DUI): Some of the members of this elite squad are put on the team because of their talent, and others because of their crimes. Stevens crime was a garden variety driving under the influence offense. Therefor, his talent won him the position on this all-pro team. Stevens remains as one of the top five receiving tight ends in the NFL, even without hook up buddy Matt Hasselbeck. He did call out Joey Porter and the Steelers before Super Bowl XL, and then failed to show up on the field. The best part of the DUI, the substance in question was, you guessed it, mari-ju-auna.

OT: Bryant McKinnie (Sex Cruise): Big Sexy tackle Bryant McKinnie was one of the Vikings who was implicated in the Love Boat Scandal. Allegations include him going down on the women there as well as later being compensated all in front of the captain and crew of the boat in Lake Minnetonka. McKinnie has become one of the best run blocking lineman in the league, along with being more than formidable in passing situations. Thank goodness, he does not perform special favors for the Defensive Ends he lines up against. McKinnie was charged with indecent and disorderly conduct. The lineman pleaded guilty to both charges.

OT: Levi Jones (Blackjack Brawl, Being a Little Bitch): While playing blackjack at the same table as former rival Steeler linebacker, Joey Porter, at the Palms in Vegas, Jones got tired of the shit talking of the Diarrhea of the mouth sufferer, and so he decided to get all up in Porter’s grill. This caused Porter to slug Jones, which he was fined for, without any retaliation from the lineman. Way to go Levi, you made this list for the opposite reasons, than it’s intention.

OG: Todd Steussie (Steroid Steed): It is sad to think that, an NFL team can be taken down by the CBS News 60 Minutes program. I guess that is not entirely fair, the Feds helped to. Dr. James Shortt was busted for producing and distributing testosterone cream to Carolina Panthers Players. The list included Steussie, as well as Center John Mitchell and Punter Todd Sauerbrun. Steussie serves as a serviceable guard and continues to make rosters, but his admitted use of steroids in a federal report puts him on this team.

OG: Ross Verba (CPA of the Year): The story of Ross Verba is possibly my favorite. Verba was arrested on felony for writing bad checks in Nevada. It appeared as if to pay off debts, the Lineman wrote the bad checks. After a night in jail, all charges were dropped and was put onto a debt reduction program. The rarity of this offense compelled me to put him on the roster and do here he is.

C: Barrett Robins (Heavy Case of “The Crazies”): Some might say, how could we put Robins on this list? After all, the guy suffers from severe depression and contemplated killing himself. Here is the thing though, he’s a Raider. Raiders do not get much love from the authors of this site. Robbins during his playing days was a fairly good center on a very good team. After being AWOL at Super Bowl XXXVII, Bipolar disorder in athletes got much play in the sports media. Hopefully everything is alright, but his waste of potential lands him on this list.

Defense

DE: Bobby McCray (Indy Driver): Sometimes you just have to race. So you play professional football and those millions of dollars have to go somewhere. Why not go out and get a shiny new sports car? A vehicle of that sort is certainly no good if it just sits in the garage every day, so you have to take it out on the road, right. Then if you have this car that can go at incredible speeds, why not go at those kinds of speeds. Now, lets say you are a very competitive person, an athlete for example, you have to race and prove your manhood. All of sudden, red and blue lights start flashing, and you of course have a controlled substance in your car, you pull over. Then you get arrested and ticketed for reckless driving. That is the story of Bobby McCray, who has stood out has began to come into his own on that stacked Jacksonville Jaguar front four, enough so he is on the team.

DE: Julius Peppers (It was Nyquil, I Swear): Ah, to be young and careless again. As a rookie, Peppers was making his mark as one of the best players in the league. Nothing could stop him, except the rookie wall. What would you do? Peppers decided to take a little pick me up performance enhancer from some shady guy he did not know. It is what all of us would do, right. I remember that he blamed it on Nyquil and cold medication, not realizing that the amount of ephedrine in those remedies are not enough to fail a drug test. The Panthers star has since learned from his mistake and he has established himself as one of the most innovative and athletic players in the league, with bucket loads of talent. So, we won’t hold it against him.

DT: Tank Johnson (Walking Arsenal, Drunk Tipsy Driver extraordinare): The good folks at Rock Star games are in the process of designing a new game. This one is sure to fly off the shelves and into the game systems of kids everywhere. Every good game has to have a main character, and that character needs some sort of nickname. How does “Tank” sound? We want to make the guy believable, so lets give him a popular last name, like Johnson. Perfect, now we need a posse. A shady group of thugs and drug runners is necessary to sell such a story. Now the guy has to be packing, all the time, maybe someone with multiple gun offenses. Then that guy has to speed, because going the speed limit is for pussies. He cannot just speed though, he’s got to be on something, not much, but enough. Tank might not appear in Madden 2008 but due out soon, Grand Theft Auto: Defensive Tackle is glad to have Johnson aboard.

DT: Jonathan Babineaux (Alleged Dog Killer): Apparently Michael Vick is not the only Falcon, interestingly a bird known for preying on animals, involved in dog abuse. Earlier this year the Atlanta lineman was arrested and released on bail on suspicion that he was involved in injuries sustained by a dog he owned. The more things change, it seems, the more they stay the same.
OLB: Shawne Merriman (Steroid Freak): Merriman has established himself as an elite defensive player in the league. Despite the fact that he failed a NFL drug test and was suspended for four games, he has not lost his reputation. Not only did he fail the test, but reportedly for actual steroid use. After his suspension the linebacker,continued to play at an elite level, so much so, that he was still named AP defensive Player of the Year. Fans just have to look at it as it was a mistake, and the all pro has learned his lesson. As with Julius Peppers, who failed a drug test, he still can be considered one of the best in the league for a long time.

OLB: Joey Porter (Blackjack Brawl, Shot in the Ass): If anyone rightfully deserved to get shot in the Ass, now Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter is probably near the top of that list in the NFL. So, it was no surprise for me when after his alma mater’s (Colorado State) rivalry game with Colorado he was actually shot in the upper thigh. We used to have a bet in my fantasy football league, that if Shannon Sharpe and his horse head was shot when he was on your team, you win the league. That rule has since been passed on to T.O. If it were a bounty on Porter somebody actually would have won the bet. Earlier this year at the Palms Casino Porter after talking shit at Bengals lineman Levi Jones was approached by the Bengal, and then slugged him (hopefully with his ring hand). Porter remains as one of the best pass rushers in the league and also one of the biggest assholes.

MLB: Ray Lewis (Oh snap! I didn’t see nothin’!): “If those who you’re hangin’ with have been bad/ Don’t say nothin’ to make ‘em mad/You can smile/ It ain’t no crime/ You got the number one defense of all time.” This is from a Saturday Night Live Parody making fun of Disney’s refusal to let Lewis go to Disney World after being named Super Bowl MVP, even though it should have been Chris McAllister. This was because of his conviction for Obstruction of Justice involving a Murder in Atlanta. Though I believe that the all pro did not kill anyone, he does know something. Lewis is the only person on this list to be tried for murder, and he is undoubtedly one of the best at his position, so welcome to the squad.

CB: Fred Smoot (Sex Cruise): On this edition of the Vikings Love Boat scandal, we have star cornerback Fred Smoot. Smoot was once in the conversation as one of the top five corners in the game. Since then he has lost a step, and his skills have declined, but none the less he deserves to make the squad. It was reported that Smoot was the ringleader in this adventure on Lake Minnetonka arranging for prostitutes to come up from Florida and Georgia. They must have been real good. I Digress, he said he was not there, but witnesses have put him at the scene of the crime.

CB: Adam “Pac Man” Jones (Da Bidness of Terror): It started just like every other night for Pac Man and his merry men. During the NBA All Star Weekend in Vegas, Jones made a stop at a local strip club. Upon “making it rain” on an employee, the dancer went to pick up the money that she believed she earned. Pac Man had different ideas saying, “Did I say you could take the money,” and then began to strike the poor girl repeatedly. The club bouncer came in to protect the dancer, but when this happened Pac Man’s posse started a brawl and then were kicked out of the club. Later that morning, a shift manger was shot by allegedly one of Pac Man’s crew. Jones continues to be addicted to strip clubs and has been questioned by the police 10 times. The corner has scary talent, but also scary skeletons in his closet which land him on this roster.

SS: Terrance Kiel (The Pharmacist): Kiel serves as the second person this list who has been in trouble with Federal Authorities. This time however it was through the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA). Kiel reportedly was mixing cough syrup with codeine inside soft drinks. Where the real stupidity comes is when he mailed this concoction to Texas. This concoction, also known as “lean”, is stated to have a street value of about 300 dollars a bottle. Kiel serves as a fairly good safety, but as a really dumb criminal, which put him on the list.

FS: Dwight Smith (Fucking In Public): Smith is just one of the many multiple offenders to make this roster. In 2003, the Safety was arrested for pulling out a pellet gun on his friend. He found himself again in trouble with the law in 2006, with one of my favorites. He was ticketed and fined for indecent conduct with a 24 year old woman. Apparently, they found a very nice private and cozy stairwell in Minneapolis to get it on in. The ever romantic safety is a second rate starter, but the details of this crime made me chuckle, so he made the cut.

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